Nooshie

You can tell that De Pijp is the cool bit of Amsterdam, because they put a bird on it.

House of Bols

I had written off House of Bols as a tourist attraction because all I knew about Bols was that that's the brand of blue curacao that I bought that one time I wanted to make Fruit Tingles. And anything that goes into a Fruit Tingle must be terrible, right? WRONG.

Apart from the bit where they tricked me into putting a piece of paper on my tongue that tasted of liquorice (I have no regrets about screaming "NO! NO! You're lucky that I've managed not to VOMIT EVERYWHERE YOU BASTARDS!") it was really fun. There's a wall of liqueurs that you sniff and guess what flavours they are:

(it turns out I'm good at most scents except stone fruits. If challenged, I will call them all "I don't know? Maybe some sort of melon?")

There are also drawers full of ingredients that they use to make the liqueurs. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't spend a good amount of time running my hands through the drawer that had coffee beans and cocoa beans in it.

Then, at the end, you get to drink cocktails. Which is how all museum tours should end. Plus, there's a mirrored ceiling on the tasting room, so you can take photos that make it look like you have an extra boob growing out of one of your boobs.

Oh, come on now. That's just adding insult to electrified anal probe causing death so that you can be turned into steak.

Obligatory "Look how pretty Amsterdam is" post

Yes, Amsterdam is really pretty. Especially when you happen to be there during uncharacteristically good weather.

Fun fact: Amsterdam is a World Heritage Site so you can't repaint your house on a whim. Which means that if someone who lived in your house in 1658 had the plague, then your house got painted black and you have to keep it black for ever.

Similarly, it would seem that as long as you once had some tulips at your house (or houseboat), you have to declare yourself "The Amsterdam Tulip Museum" for ever. This was the second "tulip museum" that I saw, and was not the last.

As someone who can't see in 3D and who loves Mondrian, these ads upset me.

Katten Kabinet

Winner for my favourite (and also, most ridiculous) tourist attraction in Amsterdam has to be Katten Kabinet, which is a "museum" of cat things. The guy who started it all had a cat called JP Morgan who he liked to buy/make presents for. Things like American dollar bills with the cat's face on them:

As with many things in life, what seemed like a harmless interest gradually turned into an obsssion, and before you know it, you have a canal house full of things that have cats on them. Paintings, ads, sculptures, pinball machines, you name it, you have it. And eventually, people are paying 6 Euros to come in and see it all.

The "museum" is just room after room covered in cat art. Plus, if you look closely in this picture, you can see there are real cats who live there, too. They pointedly ignore everyone who comes through, which makes them just like every other cat ever.

There's even some pre-Colombian cat art.